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Submitted on
April 1, 2010
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12 (who?)
with both eyes unfocused/
open my hand

contains the water falling on windows
the distant stars of traffic lights

as far as the eye can see
is in me, because with both eyes unfocused/

open one hand becomes two
now dared to deal

with knowing
I'm see-through

I'm two ghosts pretending to be one man
I'm worried you won't put me back together

see me as whole
see me as falling apart

I'm worried you'll never lose the photo of me
superimposed against the world

pregnant with it
and immortally unimportant
I wrote this one at my brother's one year, when he lived in an apartment overlooking Kingston, Ontario. He and my sister-in-law had gone to bed and I sat gazing over the city passing a hand in front of my face, eyes unfocused, and it occurred to me that optics can tell you you're whole and separate from the world just as fast as it can tell you you're indistinguishable from the world and I wrote this poem to keep from having an episode that the title would suggest I did have.

I've always admired poets who can pull off what's called enjambment, which is where the way the lines are broken up can mangle the interpretation, or lend to grammatical double entendres. I don't attempt it often (and, truthfully, there's not much of it here), but I thought it was appropriate to the message of delineation and fusion.
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Umeko13 Featured By Owner May 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Just wanted to let you know your poem stuck with me and inspired a line from my newest poem Denial. I thought I'd at least let you know I credited you with it. c:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2012  Student Writer
This is beautiful - I've always been interested with the idea of viewing the world through an unfocused lens, and you portray it here with wonderful imagery. The double meanings are very intriguing! Great job. :)
sandzen Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012   General Artist
Yeah, the unfocused view of the world is as important as the focused one. It's just so much easier to talk about the focused one.

I'm really glad you got something out of it. Thanks for writing.
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012  Student Writer
People tend to write about what they are most familiar with, I suppose... however, the truly interesting part of the writer emerges when they step out of that light and immerse themselves in the subconscious side of things. :)

You're very welcome. Thanks for sharing!
Adonael Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
'contains the water falling on windows
the distant stars of traffic lights'

Gave me the impression of height and seems to make the scene melancholy. The enjambment makes it a little hard to distinguish between certain interpretations, but it flows.
sandzen Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012   General Artist
That difficulty is exactly what I meant to evoke. I want to challenge the spatial parameters by which people define themselves.

I think people see themselves as far too finite an object. They see themselves, their actions, their influence, etc. as contained within a finite body, within a finite family, within a finite community, and so on.

The word 'stars' is there, for instance, to suggest that it isn't just the lights a few hundred feet away that are a part of me, but the very remote dead light of stars in the sky as well. I mean, most people are aware that human bodies are made of ancient stardust, but I wanted to say too that it isn't just the ancient stars that are a part of human life, but the ones we see now.

When you close your eyes, is the black space in your mind's eye eight inches wide or eight million inches wide? There's a definite tactile aspect of oblivion that I think a lot of people are out of touch with, or use other, comforting, beliefs to forget about.

I do hope there's enough of a baseline to establish at least one or more coherent interpretations. Which one you choose is ultimately up to you, isn't it?
Gandalfgirl579 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is really lovely! ^^
sandzen Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012   General Artist
Thank you kindly.
Umeko13 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have to admit I only have a few enjambment here and there in mine but they are mostly by accident. <.< I will add though that my favorite line was 'contains the water falling on windows' because it sounds like a beautiful metaphor for crying when I first read it as water falling down windows. Not entirely relevant, but yeah ;p
sandzen Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012   General Artist
Yeah, I was thinking of the famous Conrad L. Hall shot in Road To Perdition where the rain streaks on a massive window cast tear-shadows on an entire boardroom of old men, when I included that detail.

It's like, yes, pathetic fallacy is an effective device, but is it actually such a detached device from the affected subject? If we're relative to the resist of the material world chemically and atomically, are we actually so separate from it?

I think your thought is entirely relevant. :) Thanks for sharing.
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