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October 23, 2012
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You'll always come back to me
when the lights in the far hills
are done searching. For, new beds

entice adventurers. Too,
when the lights in the far hills
come home, the homespun dream they

entice adventurers too,
but they can't. (Dream we're neither.
Come home.) The homespun dream they

turn pioneers to homebodies,
but they can't dream we're neither,
our wanderlust fit to turn

pioneers to homebodies.
We've always made love free, so
our wanderlust fit. To

turn ourselves towards our home
we've always made love. Free. So
when the last adventurers

turn themselves toward their homes
in faraway lands, I know,
when the last adventurers

are done searching for new beds
in faraway lands, I know
you'll always come back to me.
Before reading this explanation, do yourself a favour and look up the meaning of the form of a pantoum on wikipedia. It's a complicated poetry form that they've described perfectly there.

-

Another piece on the theme of polyandry, I wanted this to be the poem I gave Simone on our last anniversary, but I couldn't get past the first two stanzas. I thought about the piece now and again over the months, but certain first draft lines were making the construction of the pantoum extremely vexing. I knew I wanted the first and third lines as they appear here, but, the second and fourth lines needed work, and so the sixth and the eighth lines were torturous, and so on.

A pantoum is a chain that cannot suffer a weak link. That's part of why I love the form, but also a big part of why it's so hard to sit yourself down and crank out the creativity. For this piece to get done I had to force myself not to read my book(s) on my lunch breaks at work, and to not think about anything walking to or from work for a few days. And basically to completely rewrite the piece, starting with the first line.

I hope you agree that it was worth it.

I sure think so. Since I kind of invented a new form of pantoum here.

As I hope you read on Wikipedia, a pantoum is divided into ballad-esque stanzas, and I've changed that into three-line groupings. But I've kept the schema of repeating lines in tact, so in order to keep the poem made up of full three-line groups, the whole piece has to present in multiples of twelve. I don't have a name for this form, but maybe a "Haiku Pantoum" would be fun, or "Dodecapantoum" to echo the dodecatina (the twelve-line variation on the sestina).

Something else that turned out to work really well in this piece, I thought, was what happened between the fourth and fifth stanzas. Every line in the piece has seven syllables in the line, except the first line of the fourth stanza which has eight, and the third line of the fifth stanza, with six syllables.

This was done to balance the equation, but look at the word "turn" which appears, as the beginning and ending word of the fourth, transitory stanza. So, the centre word of the poem, if you will, is the word "turn", and gives the feeling of movement from one half to the next.

In haiku, a turn word or "cutting" word is the word that heralds the separation of the first phase from the second phase of the poem. There's an actual list of words acceptable as cutting/turn words that poets would use skillfully to deepen meaning. How Japanese is it, to have a database of acceptable words to be used for a poetic function?

Anyway, I thought it was neat how the actual word "turn" in my poem took on a similar function, and I submit this "Haiku Pantoum," as it were, for consideration to any other poets in need a good form challenge.

I gave this to Simone sort of retroactively the week before I left for Hamilton to launch my first book, In the Wings, from the Redeemer College University cafeteria (we sold out our first run of 500 copies!). And now it's only one month til our next, seventh anniversary.

Back to the drawing board!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-11-22
Come Home: A Pantoum by ~sandzen is a wonderful exploration of form to express the writer's love for their significant other for an anniversary. ( Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
:worship: Hello! This wonderful piece of yours has been featured here: [link]
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013   General Artist
Aw...I'm sure you'll write even better works. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart. :)
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013
:heart:
Reply
:icondeinktvis:
deinktvis Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Student Writer
erm...pantoums are traditionally written with four line stanzas and interweaving refrained lines. otherwise, nice work.
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013   General Artist
I see you're a puritan. Well, the evolution of poetry often requires that rules be bent, broken, or augmented in order to express something new through something established. To be both part of a movement and to stand out as something unique.

Mark Strand, poet, and editor of The Making of a Poem, one of the great compilations of modern form poems, includes pantoums that not only don't quite adhere to even the basic interweaving refrained lines (unlike what you see in my haiku pantoum above, if can trick your eye to see the four-line groupings), but the repeated lines don't even resemble one another. This is particularly true of the works Parents' Pantoum and The Method by Carolyn Kizer and J. D. McClathy respectively. Look for them online. Both of those poems feature lines that repeat only in the auditory sense, or in the figurative sense.

You and I don't disagree as much as you think about the form of the pantoum. You may note that I instruct readers at the beginning of my author's comment to read the wikipedia entry on pantoums to better understand how I'm subverting the form for my own nefarious purposes. You'll note the repeated occasions on which I draw attention to how my form differs from the puritanical dictates of the form. Though I hope you'll appreciate the lengths I went to to present the spirit of the form, and not to lose it entirely to experimentation, the way many other celebrated poets have done, and gotten away with...;)
Reply
:icondeinktvis:
deinktvis Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Student Writer
i completely agree with you about the evolution of poetry! i have developed several forms from already existing forms. but i want there to be a delineation between the standard forms and the 'mutants' (i mean that in a good way). when i have time i will set up an experimental folder for fff (i need to do a sijo folder too).
Reply
:iconhey-ocean:
Hey-Ocean Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Indeed you did invent a new form of pantoum. It's cool though
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
Well, I just don't want to anger the lit-gods. I've been traumatized on dA before for trying new things with art.

Thanks for the kind words.
Reply
:iconhey-ocean:
Hey-Ocean Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Claim "poetic licence" =]
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012   General Artist
I just assume that's implied. Anyone who gets that up in arms over a slight deviation in form should really re-read the name of this site.

You're right, of course. :)
Reply
:iconhey-ocean:
Hey-Ocean Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
That last sentence...the part where I'm right...could you maybe put that down in writing, sign it, and mail it to my boyfriend?
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012   General Artist
Why not just get a tattoo? "Sandzen says I'm right." Right across your palm. Then, whenever he contradicts you, just go...

*palm*
Reply
:iconhey-ocean:
Hey-Ocean Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
My mother would roll over in her grave if I got a tattoo
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012   General Artist
Fair enough. Letter it is then.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconlit-twitter:
Lit-Twitter Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. :)
Reply
:iconmisslunarose:
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012   General Artist
I have never read such a beautiful pantoum! Wow. You are a master with words.

I'd like to show this to my creative writing teacher, if you don't mind. :D
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
You have my explicit permission, and sincerest thanks. I'm never happier than knowing when other writers are enjoying my work. I've lectured at numerous creative writing and English classes around Canada, and I gotta say, it's like getting drunk, just to be around that energy, that love of literature. I only wish I could be there when you share it!
Reply
:iconmisslunarose:
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012   General Artist
You're welcome. :huggle:

I just e-mailed my teacher with the link, and (hopefully) he'll show it to the class!

It's really cool that you've lectured at English and creative writing classes; I wish that I could hear you. :) I have to agree that creative writing classes are some of the best places ever. This is my first year taking a creative writing class, and the energy is incredible!
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012   General Artist
Well, you're teacher is lucky to have such an outgoing, lit-loving student. As I am, to have such a reader.

Yeah, it's too bad every class can't be creative writing. Until you go to creative writing school, like I did. Then it's awesome.

My lectures are usually on the variety of form and the history of form, in terms of 20th century poetry (unless I'm defending my own work, as has been the case). So, if you think you're getting a good grasp of the different schools and different forms and the different methods of poetry that have arisen over the last 100-200 years, then you probably don't need to hear me lecture.

But if you just want to hear me (and hear me and hear me), check out, and download for free this wicked music I've written: [link]

Yeah, I shamelessly self-promote like that.
Reply
:iconnyiana-sama:
Nyiana-sama Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
:la: Congrats on the daily deviation!
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
Thank you. It means a lot.
Reply
:iconnyiana-sama:
Nyiana-sama Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
:huggle: You're welcome!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
:faint: A wonderful example of a pantoum -
congratulations! :+fav:
Reply
:icontimeraider:
timeraider Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is masterful use of the form. I loved reading this.
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
Thank you very much. I only hope I can continue to earn that sentiment.
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
This is the best pantoum I've ever seen.
Have you tried writing a sestina? If you could pull that off too...well, fuck.

As you can see I'm at a bit of a loss for words. Here exists a pantoum, and, well, it's good, and it's beautiful. Unbelievable.

This is the most deserving DD. You are deserving of a gold medal, or a nebula.
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
It's funny you would say nebula, since I'm just starting work on a fantasy novel, so let's hope that's a good omen.

Well, your praise is deeply affecting, and also a bit intimidating. I had conceived of writing a book of pantoums, but now I'm wondering if my arrow will ever fly so high again. I think the reason most writers don't write more of them is that they're time-consuming, but I don't mind putting in the hours. Also, the pantoum screams out certain underlying themes with the form itself, as opposed to any of the content, so how does one keep successive poems fresh and inviting? Like the way you feel obliged to count the syllables in a haiku. I suppose that's the challenge faced by any collection of form poems.

As for sestinas, while I admire them, I've yet to dream up something unique to do with them. Ever since I read Miller Williams' "The Shrinking Lonesome Sestina" - [link] - (which, coincidentally, includes the line, "Come home.") I've felt like there's an opportunity there to do something amazing, but I've yet to imagine what that is (beyond reversing or inverting Williams' invention).

When approaching a form, I always ask myself, "What is this form going to do with or without me?" And I kind of work from there. On the odd occasion I get an idea for a poem and ask myself, "Which form will save me the most work?" This was one of those moments.

Thanks, archelyxs, for your words. They're truly invaluable to me.
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Let's hope so! I'm really sorry for the late reply - a whole book of pantoums! I really admire your ambition, sadly from afar, with playing around with the fixed form - I've never been able to give it the attention it deserves. There will be a time and a place.
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012   General Artist
Well, you seem to be a poet who can actually write in free verse (not as common as it sounds), which has been (to avoid specificity) the most popular form of the most popular poets of the 20th century. Nothing to sniff at. Go where your intuition takes you.

And isn't everything on the internet regarded from afar? Alas.
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Yes, true true... free verse is sometimes more difficult because the musicality of the piece must arise spontaneously from the words themselves. It's a blessing and a curse.
Reply
:iconhey-ocean:
Hey-Ocean Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Villanelles really fucking hurt.
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
I've always wanted to try writing one... never have. Too intimidating!
Reply
:iconhey-ocean:
Hey-Ocean Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
I can't seem to get one out
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :heart:
Have a nice day! : )
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
Oh, I can guarantee I'll be having one of those. Thanks to awesome people like you. Cheers!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure (and thank you) :happybounce:
Reply
:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Congratulations on your D.D! Well Done...
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   General Artist
Much appreciated. I'm certainly doing the happiest of happy dances.
Reply
:iconparsat:
Parsat Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Writer
The technical virtuosity of this piece cannot be understated.
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012   General Artist
Thanks a lot, Parsat. That's certainly one of my favourite compliments ever.

Though, I feel it needs to be said that the pantoum is, in itself, a virtuoso form, in its technicality. It's merely pulling one off that's an achievement. I hope my "haiku" format does something to spice up the genre though, to be sure.
Reply
:iconparsat:
Parsat Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student Writer
Yeah, I've tried my hand before...definitely a challenge in its own!
Reply
:iconstreakbrony:
StreakBrony Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Great poem!
Reply
:iconsandzen:
sandzen Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   General Artist
I appreciate that, thanks a lot.
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